Ladies and gentlemen,
For once, I actually do not know where to begin my blog. I will say this...the last 4 1/2 months have passed so quickly!! It's hard for me to believe that just that short time ago I had brain surgery. It's even harder for me to believe that I have only been back at work for 3 months. Not sure if that means time flies here, or it's really slow. :) Either way I am still happy to be back at work, back on the grind doing my usual routine. Things have been hella crazy at work, though and while all of the counselors and I could use a break, I know things will "slow down" soon...and by slow down, I mean be slightly more mangable.
In the last couple of months I have been doing cognitive therapy that Brooks Rehabilitation suggested following the nueropsych testing. I have been meeting with a counselor named Ashley and she is about my age which is awesome! She has been working on things like memory, task organization, slowing down in order to pay attention to detail, and learning my strengths and weaknesses in mult-tasking and through all of it has been very encouraging. In the beginning I was kinda put off by the results of the testing because their conclusion stated that I had a mild cognitive deficit. I was slower at tasks than a "normal" patient. And honestly, that made me feel dumb. I tried to never put much thought in to it, but a week or so later I told my Ashley how I felt about that label. I told her that I felt stupid with that diagnosis and I felt that it undermined all of my education I worked so hard to get, my bachelors and masters degree. I knew Ashely was not the one that gave me the diagnosis, and I knew in my heart that regardless of the the "mild cognitive deficit" that I was still the same person I was when I went in to surgery. I think my fear was being treated differently and not being bold enough to go back to school like I have always dreamed of doing. I mean, after having brain surgery, could I still be successful in school? Would I be able to understand and follow along just as flawlessly as I always had in the past? What about my job? Would I ever be able to move up in a chain of command? Or would they treat me like I am not capable? This all may sound petty or crazy, but those thoughts had crossed my mind. Ashley, though, assured me that I would be able to succeed in anything I put my mind to. She said that my diagnosis was really only a way of tracking my progress for the future...say...if I had another surgery down the line and needed to do cognitive therapy again; they would have a baseline next time. I finished cognitive therapy a few weeks ago now and have been doing well on my own. :)
After surgery I was also encouraged to attend Occupational Therapy and went for my initial appointment about 8 weeks after surgery (I was almost a month back in to working). The occupational therapist that assessed me determined I was doing well enough that I did not need further sessions and cleared me.
On another note, I looked in to attending a brain tumor support group becuase I thought it would be nice to be surrounded with peers who have experienced or are experiencing the same diagnosis. I attended the Brain Tumor Support group that is the 3rd Saturday of each month, hosted by The Sontag Foundation http://www.sontagfoundation.com/display.aspx?page=BrainTumorSupportGroup
I thoroughly enjoyed this group. It had young, old, and older patients. It had patients with all types of tumors and all grades. Some had reoccurring tumors. Some had incurable tumors. Some had tumors that were not treatable because they could not be reached to do surgery to even find out the type. But to me, all of them were survivors. All of them were inspiring. I believe I was the only person in the group that had a grade II. I also believe I was the only one in there that had a Diffuse Astrocytoma. But together we fight, and togther we stand united and pray for a cure one day!
Speaking of a cure, I found out my surgeon is leaving Jacksonville. I actually heard that from the support group the week before he called to tell me. I have made the decision to follow him, though, as he is only moving to Atlanta, GA. I figured that Atlanta was not too bad of a drive if I ever need to see him again. He will be working at the Peadmont Brain Tumor Center which upon researching it looks like a state of the art facility. I am really happy for Dr. Chandler, I know he will bring more awesomeness to Peadmont! I do have to continue my follow up MRIs every six months, but Dr. Chandler stated that I could have the MRIs done in Jacksonville and send them up to Atlanta, then do a phone session with him instead of driving up there every six months. I had the option of staying in Jacksonville and completing my follow ups with his replacement, but I feel more comfortable staying with Dr. Chandler as I already have a rapport with him. Brain surgery isn't just any surgery, it takes trusting your doctor very intimately to go through. That's why I chose to follow Chandler; if I ever had to do surgery in the future (and I pray that I don't) I would not want anyone else operating on me. He is the BEST!
I had my first follow up appointment with Dr. Chandler before he left on this past Monday, September 17. The appointment was a month earlier than I needed it but I wanted to see Dr. Chandler one more time before he set off on his new adventure. I completed an MRI Monday morning and then went directly over to Chandler's office to get the results. And according to the MRI, no tumor!! Like some of my friends and family say, "Timmy is too scared to come back." Or in the words of my Dad, "Tara's first scan since her brain tumor removal, reveals light in the spot that there was once darkness! Further proof darkness flees in the light of the MOST HIGH! Praise the Lord!" The plan is to continue to do scans every six months for the next 2-3 years to monitor growth. Dr. Chandler said even though he believes it won't come back any time soon, sometimes grade II tumors act like grade IV and sometimes grade IV tumors act like grade II. In other words, my tumor could come back sooner than expected or it could act like it should and not grow any time soon...or ever for that matter. They will use this scan to compare to all of the future ones to determine growth rate.
On a side note, while I was getting the MRI I had a lot of time to think about things. Naturally, I was thinking what it would be like if the scans were to show the tumor coming back. It reminded me of when I was first diagnosed and the sinking feeling I got that I had something that could potentially kill me. Those thoughts then reminded me of my journey to finding and growing stronger in my faith and belief in Jesus Christ. Knowing and having a relationship with Jesus Christ is what carried me through this ordeal and what has kept me strong throughout. I know, that no matter what God has in store for me, that I serve and have served a purpose in this world. I will continue to use my story as a testimony and will continue to share my story with others to build their strength and belief in God. What happened to me was no accident, and what will happen to me will continue to be part of God's plan. He has control and knowing that I am encouraged to let go of all that I am unable to control. And that gives me a lot of peace.
Until next time...
